Memorial Day and Day 2 of Quantum Cleanse

Memorial Day is a tough one for cleansing. However after reading all of the information about where my meat comes from on GoVeg.com it was not hard at all to resist the burgers and dogs.

I started the day with some herbal tea, gluten free cereal and soy milk. For lunch I snacked on potato chips, spicy hummus, fruits and veggies. We went to our neighbors for a Memorial Day feast and I passed on the meat and had a small serving of Orzo Salad (contained wheat) and Bacon Blue Cheese Potato Salad. I did eat a small amount of the bacon and blue cheese in the salad. Oh, and 1 glass of wine.

We are invited to another cookout tonight and I am taking the boys. I feel confident I can pass on any animal products, sugar or caffeine but am not sure about the gluten and alcohol. We shall see.

In honor of all the burgers eaten today I am including this video. Did you know that by drinking milk you are supported the veal industry? I didn't.

The Egg Industry

I am posting this because my mom said she thought it was ok to eat eggs because the chickens weren't harmed. I had no idea until I googled it that this was how the chickens were treated. I guess I have had my head in the proverbial sand. I will have a hard time eating an egg (or a chicken) after watching this video. Keep in mind that this is from GoVeg.com.

This website says, "According to the egg industry, 98% of eggs come from hens in battery cages."





For more information on this topic go to GoVeg.com

To be fair, I will do some follow up research within the egg industry.

Day 1 of Quantum Cleanse

I decided that there's no time like the present even though I started off the day with caffeine and dairy. I am not going to have an all or nothing attitude. I figure I have a whole lot of room for improvement so I might a well get crackin.
Breakfast: coffee with sf creamer and then a skim sf caramel latte
Lunch: Veggie Chicken Strips with Garlic Teriyaki Sauce, Brown Rice and Edamame

It had been in my fridge for awhile and was past the due date but still tasted ok. The rice was a little mushy and the teriyaki sauce had too much sugar to be ideal but it was a better choice than the pulled pork bbq sandwich that I would have had otherwise. Lunch is generally pretty easy for me. The true test will come later in the day.

Snack: apple with Whole Foods honey roasted peanut butter. I'll have to wean myself off of that sweet peanut butter. It's yuuummmy.

I said NO to my usual afternoon Diet Coke.

Snack #2:

A premium blend of organic sugar snap peas, roasted potatoes, and red peppers with garden herbs, lightly seasoned and steamed to perfection. Quite tasty. I have purchased before and will again.







Dinner:
Baja Burger over spinach with miso dressing. The burger wasn't vegan because it had cheese although I couldn't taste any among the big pieces of black beans, corn, roasted peppers and rice. It had a lot of flavor but was quite dense and made me feel like I need to have BM soon after. The pkg came with two burgers. I will eat the second but I don't think I will purchase again, although it was quite a filling meal for under 200 calories.

Alcohol: I did have wine this evening. I wanted to congratulate myself on a job well done: ) The thought of no coffee or latte in the morning is already making me squirm. I don't think I can tackle caffeine, dairy and alcohol all at the same time so I'm going to start with the caffeine and dairy and leave my favorite for last.

It appears I have a lot more time on my hands that Oprah to have given such detail. I suppose I could have spent that time cooking up some of those gourmet recipes but blogging with pictures is the one thing that kept me motivated. Oh, and the environment of course. And all those little piggies and chickens.

Why Reduce Meat Intake? Producing 1kg of animal protein requires approximately 100 times more water than producing 1kg of grain protein.

Pimentel D, Piementel M (2003). Sustainability of meat-based and plant-based diets and the environment. AM J Clin Nutr 78 (Suppl), 662S

Quantum Wellness

Oprah had Kathy Freston on her show the other day talking about her new book Quantum Wellness. Most of the things they talked about rang true to me. That being all that body, mind and spirit stuff (she calls them 'pillars'). They also talked about something that I hadn't thought about before and I always love to ponder something new.

There's one wellness practice that Kathy says should be observed above all others. "The mother of all pillars is conscious eating," she says. "It doesn't only make a difference to our own personal health and well-being, but conscious eating means you stay aware of where your food comes from, how the animals are treated and how the environment is affected by the foods that you eat. You take in the energy of whatever went into creating that food." Kathy is a vegan, which means she doesn't eat meat, eggs, or dairy. "Nobody was harmed—that's conscious eating," she says.

Sounds great! I see my children being harmed with me eating that way.

She suggests a 21-day cleanse in the book where you give up
* Sugar
* Alcohol
* Caffeine
* Gluten
* Animal products

That's pretty much my entire diet. Sounds pretty impossible. But I like her point about being realizing your attachment to certain foods and letting your mood be ruled by those attachments. I really do think it would be beneficial for me to address those issues in my own life.

So Oprah is doing the 21-day cleanse and blogging about it. After three days she has been completely satisfied feasting on vegan dishes such as asparagus "cream" soup, strawberry rhubarb wheat free crepes and an eggless quiche. Other suggested recipes include Tempeh Scallopini with Madeira Peppercorn Sauce, Artichoke and Oyster Mushroom Rockafeller and Cajun-Seared Portobello Fillets with Avocado Cream. Ok, that all sounds yucky great but I really can't see myself juggling those recipes while preparing our normal fare of chicken nuggets and bagel bites.

But I am thinking about trying it and blogging along with Oprah. I'm not sure what would be the hardest to give up. . . wine. . . lattes. . . Jimmy Dean Lite breakfast sandwiches . . pizza. . . morning coffee . . cheese . . wine . . . oh, I already said that. I definitely think its going to make me crazy worth a try. But I'm still just thinking about it as I drink my coffee with caramel creamer. Oh yeah, and I need to find a personal chef to whip up those delicious recipes.

Haiku Friday

I have been absent
From more than this blog of mine
I am here again

We have had great pain
My husband has lost his mom
A beautiful soul

I don't have the words.
It is so painful to see
Someone you love hurt

So deeply, deeply
Raw indescribable pain
So hard to witness

I will miss this soul
I was blessed to know shortly
Ever so shortly

I am inspired
To live truly and Godly
She inspired me

See more Haiku Fridays here

TMI Tuesday #1

I am always looking for some mindless inspiration to write. Here's the latest.

For more TMI Tuesday entries click HERE.

1. How many credit cards do you own? Are they paid off?
Just a few . . . .and not all paid off.

2. Can you be in love with someone you don't trust?
Personally, I can't be in love with someone I don't trust. I have very high standards for myself and others. I completely trust my beloved husband.

However, I fully believe that one can be in love someone they don't trust. Love is not always logical, practical and up to your standards.

3. Should prostitution by legal?
Yes, definitely. It's pretty much a farce that it's not already.

4. On a scale of 1-10, how good of a lover do you think you are?
Well, a 10 of course.

5. What are three mistakes someone could make on a first date with you that would automatically make you turn down a second date.
I am happily married and didn't date that much before I was married so this is all hypothetical.

First, I have a real problem with cheap shoes. It's not a deal breaker but you would have to really impress me otherwise.

Second, bad breath is real turn off.

Third, common courtesy and manners are key. If you can't get those right then there's not much hope.

Future American Idol

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star performed by Lucy (26 months)



You Are My Sunshine performed by Lucy
(a little high on fame at this point)

Happy Mother's Day

This is a funny video and appropriate for the day. Enjoy!

Oceans of Fun Pictures

Oceans of Fun Video

Round Up Under The Sea

Sam's Line

Weekly Winners

Happy 6th Birthday Henry!!
























Finger Painting
























See more Weekly Winners here!

Haiku Friday

Spring is coming, yes?
I'm watching, waiting, are you?
It's coming, it is.

The sun shines brightly
Buds are peeking above dirt
Please frost, don't come back

If it does, then what?
Buds retreat, they try to hide
But they can not hide.

Are you hiding now?
Do you try like the buds do?
Don't let yourself hide.

Let yourself bloom, yes!
Your light within is so bright
Let it shine, you'll bloom.

Find more Haikus here.

Did You Know?

1. An espresso has less caffeine than a cup of coffee.
That explains why I have to drink so much of it.

2. The length from your wrist to your elbow is the same as the length of your foot.
Try it. It's true.

3. On average, you speak almost 5,000 words a day - although almost 80% of speaking is self-talk (talking to yourself).
Scary, huh?

4. A person remains conscious for eight seconds after being decapitated.
And you thought it was just for chickens.

5. The muscle that lets your eye blink is the fastest muscle in your body. It allows you to blink 5 times a second. On average, you blink 15 000 times a day. Women blink twice as much as men.
Why do you think that is?

6. Unless food is mixed with saliva you cannot taste it.
Your mouth produces 1 litre (1.8 pints) of saliva a day.

7. The liver is the largest of the body's internal organs. The skin is the body's largest organ.

8. About 13% of people are left-handed. Up from 11% in the past.
My middle child is a lefty.

9. 1 in 4 Apollo astronauts were left-handed - 250% more than the normal level.

10. A newborn baby's head accounts for one-quarter of its weight. Ouch!

11. Lightning strikes men about seven times more often than it does women.
Well, now that makes sense to me.

12. The Bible, the world's best-selling book, is also the world's most shoplifted book.

13. We actually do not see with our eyes - we see with our brains. The eyes basically are the cameras of the brain. One-quarter of the brain is used to control the eyes.
What about the phenomenon of men thinking with their penis?



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And Yet We Still Have Clothes to Wear

What are You Thankful for Today?

1. I woke to the wind, from an open window, slamming the bedroom door against the jam. The wind was warm and I was happy to hop up and quiet the door.

2. I was the only one who heard this wind so I quietly crept downstairs for 30 minutes of solitude before the chaos of the morning ensued.

3. I took the dogs outside to do their very important business and marveled at the wind as it tossed about the trees that were magnificent but still without leaves.

4. I welcomed my son as he was the next one to greet the day. He wanted my attention so I closed the laptop.

5. I smelled his breath that is becoming more like big boy breath and less like baby breath. Bittersweet.

6. I dropped my oh-so-independent 2yr old at preschool. Bittersweet again.

7. I had an awesome workout. One of the benefits of preschool.

8. I stopped by to see my extremely hardworking husband and was awed by his ability to still impress me.

9. I showered in peace while my daughter napped and I never ran out of hot water.

10. I basked in the sun of a most perfect spring day.

Another Meme

What is the sexiest part of the body?
The brain

If you kissed a frog, who would you like it to turn into?
A live-in housekeeper

What do you have stuck up on your refrigerator right now?
A calendar that I would be lost without, school cafeteria menu, reminder to make my gyne appt, lots of pictures, magnets and inspirational quotes

See more manic monday posts here.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Or at least at few, like "don't f*k with me. I want cookies and I want them now."

My Baby's Growin' Up

We registered for Midget Football today (starts in August). We didn't realize we would also get all the gear today. It was pretty exciting! What a cutie he is. I hope he likes it, as football has always been my favorite sport to watch.

Football was big where I grew up. I have no memory of my 7 yr old friends playing but I have fond memories of sneaking liquor into the high school games and drinking under the bleachers. Making fun of cheerleaders. Pining away for the quarterback.

I love the pure manliness and physicality of the sport. The fact that they need all those pads for protection, the sweating and grunting, the smell of testosterone in the air. Tight asses in little pants. Love it.

But I digress. None of that has anything to do with my sweet 7yr old playing football for the first time. I hope he doesn't get his ass kicked hurt. He's strong. He's tough. He could use a good beating. He's always had a freakishly strong threshold for pain. He'll be fine. I can't wait.

Haiku Friday

in the moment is
where I want to be right now
pay close attention

what is this moment?
it is dogs fighting loudly
then slurping water

it is a stinky
diaper on my sweet lucy
she's oblivious

it is cold, rainy
cloudy, windy, very gray
yet still beautiful

i am so grateful
for this day, it is perfect
perfectly alive

breathing deeply now
pay close attention today
all you have is now

Read more haikus this Friday here

Thursday Thirteen - 10th Edition

Thirteen Things I Should Be Doing Other Than This

I didn't blog at all this week because I felt I was spending way too much time blogging and/or thinking about what I would blog about the next day. I miss it . . . but do I miss it the way I miss online porn or the way I miss something really meaningful? I'm just kidding about the porn. Really. I should have used American Idol as a metaphor.

I should be . . .
1. doing laundry
2. cleaning up dog shit
3. exercising
4. switching out winter clothes for spring
5. organizing the toys in the playroom
6. writing thank you cards
7. reading an inspirational book
8. putting my children to bed
9. taking a shower
10. cleaning the kitchen
11. bl*g my husband
12. catching up on my correspondence
13. ironing

With the exception of one item on that mind-numbing list I think I should have just decided to blog.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Haiku Friday - 1st Edition

This is my first time
What is your excuse, huh, huh?
I have no excuse

What should that guy do?
Obama Barack, that is
Should he withdraw now?

The results are in
From my own personal poll
Yes, No. It's a draw

Racial division
Obama is eloquent
Democrats are doomed

Find more Haiku's here

Thursday Thirteen - 9th Edition

Phobias

1. Mysophobia: Fear of being contaminated with dirt or germs . My children definitely do not have this one, quite the opposite. See below.

2. Ablutophobia: Fear of washing, bathing, or cleaning. Who knew?

3. Brontophobia: Fear of thunder and lightning. I can't imagine. It's one of my favorite things.

4. Coprophobia: Fear abhorrence of feces and fecal matter.Children could either make ya or break ya on this one.

5. Emetophobia: Fear of vomiting. Understandable.

6. Necrophobia: Fear of death or dead things. Again, not one my kids are familiar with.

7. Kakorrhaphiophobia: Fear of failure or defeat. I think many of us are afflicted by this one.

8. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words. Come on! Who has this??

9. Nephophobia: Fear of clouds. I don't really get this one.

10. Phagophobia: Fear of being Eaten. Huh?

11. Gephyrophobia: Fear of crossing bridges. I used to be terrified of bridges as a little girl. They still freak me out a little.

12. Agoraphobia: Fear of open spaces, leaving a safe place, or crowded public places. I did a search for tunnel phobia and found that it would be classified under this or claustrophobia. Tunnels kind of freak me out too. I hate those movies where people are trapped in the big tunnels.

13. Philophobia: Fear of faling in Love.


Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom.

~Marilyn Ferguson
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Good for the Soul, Not for the Budget

My sweet, snotty girl hasn't been too pleasant the last couple of days. And rightly so. She's got a bug. A kind neighbor took the boys for awhile, helping to preserve my sanity this Spring Break since we are going . . . no where (that's ok, we are going to Mexico in April). I was able to get out of the house for some much needed retail therapy. As soon as we were out and about, riding escalators and trying on shoes, Lucy perked right up. Snot and diarrhea magically disappeared! It is 40 degrees and rainy today but I couldn't resist indulging her with these shoes. Shoes can brighten any day and even at 2, she gets this most basic phenomenon. She proceeded to enjoy the rest of our shopping just for the love of it. We smelled soaps and candles and marveled at how pretty things were. We sat in cozy chairs and fluffed pillows. Having a little girl that loves to shop as much as I do is definitely good for my soul, but, alas, not so good for the budget. Its probably a good thing that she was proceded by two boys who would rather do just about anything else.

A Sprinkle of Cancer Fighting Spice - Nice!

Real Age Tip of the Day

Whether you steep it, saute it, or soak it, oh-so-savory rosemary can elevate both your culinary skills and your health.

Why? Because not only is it one of the trendiest cooking spices, but the fragrant needle-leaved herb is also showing early promise as a cancer killer.

Antioxidant Action
Human studies are needed to confirm the effects, but in cell studies, rosemary extract has given both breast cancer and leukemia cells a real fight. That's good news about an herb we already know is chock-full of antioxidants -- those free-radical killers that help protect you from cell-level damage.

4 Ways to Get More Rosemary into Your Life

1. Stick a fresh sprig in your lemonade, or steep it in hot tea.

2. Add chopped rosemary to your tossed salads.

3. Use fresh or dried rosemary in marinades for meats or vegetables (olive oil, fresh or dried rosemary, and soy sauce make a nice, simple one).

4. Try this delicious rosemary-infused recipe from EatingWell.com: Garlic-Rosemary Mushrooms.

Weekly Winners - 1st Edition

This is a picture of my 2nd (of 3), Henry, side by side to a pic of his dad at the same age. Quite a resemblance, don't you think? Cutie patooties, both of them!







This is my first experience with fondant. I wanted to make Dora cupcakes without them being totally cheesy so I added flowers, hearts and stars made of fondant and they were adorable!







This is the Birthday Girl. 2 going on 12. Accessorized and ready to go. A picnic, the mall, she's there.










The Birthday Girl in her new polka dot throne. If I knew how to scan I would add a picture of myself at two with disheveled hair, no shoes, next to a bucket. She has no idea.




Learn more about weekly winners here!

Thursday Thirteen - 8th Edition

Thirteen Ways I Love Blue Cheese

1. On a salad. Any salad.

2. Filet Mignon with blue cheese sauce . . . yuuummmm

3. I love a homemade pizza with basil or sun dried tomato pesto mixed with red sauce, mozzarella, pepperoni and then the blue cheese; baked until the cheese starts to turn a little brown.

4. There is a divine recipe for Blue Cheese Potato Salad that I could eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner (I reduce the amount of oil). It's also great if you saute the potatoes with sweet onions in olive oil (or bacon grease: )and serve warm. It's even better the next day warmed up again.

5. A burger with both creamy and crumbled blue cheese and crisp bacon on top is to die for.

6. Blue Cheese Burgers where the goodness in mixed inside is equally delightful.

7. I add blue cheese to this Cheesy Potato recipe, even though it's not called for. I don't put the chips on top though.

8. I add it to Buffalo Chicken Dip. I also add more hot sauce.

9. Grilled Pesto Marinated Flank Steak with Blue Cheese Fondue. I made this for a party once using filet instead of flank steak and it was decadent.

Less refined ways I've been know to eat blue cheese . .

10. With a spoon right out of the container

11. Sometimes I put the entire container in the microwave and use it as a dip for whatever chips I have on hand.

12. Melted over Nacho Cheese Doritos. Man, did that make the entire house stink! I had to put a candle in the microwave.

13. Rolled in a slice of pepperoni with a Frito on top.


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Pee Pee in the Potty

There is not anything much cuter than a little girl in her first big girl panties. Little does she realize that some day I'll yell at her to "shut up and put on her big girl panties!" and mean something completely different. Right now we are just relishing in the joy of underwear as a new accessory. So far it serves us no purpose other than prancing around and feeling pretty which, don't get me wrong, is a noble purpose in and of itself. Sometimes we wear the orange Curious George, sometimes the white Minnie Mouse. Then we put on a diaper, wiggle into our most comfortable chair and take comfort in what we know. Ahhhhhh.

Thursday Thirteen - 7th Edition

Thirteen Ways to Empower Your Young Children and Preserve Your Sanity

1. Put small plates, bowls & cups within their immediate reach. This works for all ages. My 2yr old loves to grab a bowl and present it for a snack. My older ones have no excuse for not getting their own snack.

2. Put cereal in a container that is easy to access for little hands. Its hard to fill a bowl from a bag inside a box. Give them a big airtight container with a scoop. Ultimately is saves you time and stale cereal.

3. Provide a quart size milk in the door of the fridge. They love to be able to poor themselves a glass or fill their cereal bowl.

4. Provide easy access to paper towels. That way they can take responsibility for any spills. Remember ... the responsibility they take for the spill is more important than how well they clean it (up to a point: )

5. Provide places close to the entrance or exit for coats, shoes, backpacks. Hooks and bins strategically placed can save you a lot of nagging.

6. Let them dress themselves. Any children over the age of three should be able to do this. Let go of your need to color coordinate them. Put clothes in their drawers that will mix and match and don't sweat it if they choose combinations that you wouldn't.

I once made my three year old go to preschool in his pjs because he refused to dress himself. He didn't get that I was empowering him! He did after that though: )

7. My boys have no desire to wear underwear. I put their underwear in their pants drawer so they at least see them before they pull the jeans out.

8. What is your biggest hiccup when it comes to making it out the door on time? We have a three story house and I found my boys always having to run upstairs for socks. We now have all socks strategically placed on the first floor near the shoes.

9. Small children love chores. Give them something they can do on their own . . straighten their bedspread, put their clothes in the laundry basket, clean their plate from the table. . . . and give them a star for it. They will be your biggest helpers.

10. Plan ahead. Give them time to get it all done themselves. If it takes 30 minutes to get it done then start 45 min early. Provide them with the tools to get it done and be on time. It is a valuable skill to learn to get it done while respecting the time of others involved.

11. Plan recipes that involve them, be it break and bake cookies or a can they can dump in a pan. They love to feel included and helpful.

12. Let them clean. Fill a spray bottle with vinegar and water and give them a towel. How much harm can they do? Plus, they might actually clean something.

13. Label bins with words or pictures so they know where to put their toys. Set a timer for 15 minutes and give them a job. Everyone will be amazed at how much can be accomplished in 15 min when everything has its place.



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Thursday Thirteen - 6th Edition

Thirteen Things to Know About The Season

1. A single sneeze can spray droplets infested with bacteria and viruses as far as 3 feet.

2. Because viruses must invade cells of a living host to reproduce, their life spans outside are generally shorter than that of bacteria, which reproduce on their own.

3. Any sort of nutrients-food particles, skin cells, blood, mucus-helps microbes thrive, which is why your kitchen sponge is a breeding ground.

4. According to Philip Tierno, director of microbiology and diagnostic immunology at the New York University School of Medicine, at room temperature and normal humidity, Escherichia coli (E. coli), a bacteria found in ground beef that causes food poisoning, can live for a few hours to a day.

5. The calicivirus, the culprit of the stomach flu, lives for days or weeks.

6. HIV dies nearly instantly upon exposure to sunlight.

7. Other microbes form exoskeleton-like spores as a defense mechanism, like the bacteria Staphylococcus aureus, which is responsible for toxic shock syndrome, food poisoning, and wound infections. In this way, they can withstand temperature and humidity extremes. Tierno says this bacterial spore can survive for weeks on dry clothing using sloughed skin cells for food.

8. The Bacillus anthracis, the anthrax bacteria, can also form spores and survive tens to hundreds of years.

9. Hepatitis B virus may survive up to a week.

10. Flu viruses tend to live longer on surfaces than cold viruses do.

11. It's generally believed that cold and flu viruses live longer on nonporous surfaces — such as plastic, metal or wood — than they do on porous surfaces — such as fabrics, skin or paper.

12. A person can spread the flu starting one day before he or she feels sick. Adults can continue to pass the flu virus to others for another three to seven days after symptoms start. Children can pass the virus for longer than seven days. Symptoms start one to four days after the virus enters the body. Some persons can be infected with the flu virus but have no symptoms. During this time, those persons can still spread the virus to others.


13. The best way to avoid becoming infected with a cold or flu is to wash your hands frequently with soap and water or with an alcohol-based sanitizer.


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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How To Grow Amidst The Bullshit

One of my challenges as a mother is to not take all of the shit my kids do personally. I ask nicely once . . . twice . . I go closer and cup their sweet little faces, resisting the urge to squeeze their cheeks together until their pretty eyes pop out . . and say it again. But when they continually stand there with their heads up their ass with no concept of time even though we do the same freaking routine EVERY morning . . my head starts to spin and these vile words come out of my mouth. THEN the little bastards are listening, aren't they?!

So much for not being sarcastic . . just wait, the personal growth part is coming: )

So, how do I use these frustrating situations for personal growth? I can't put my head in the pantry and meditate because we have to get to school, and SOON. Mr. Tolle doesn't have three kids and two dogs so how does he know? If all I had to do was go to the mountains and be one with nature things would seem much easier.

So, I'm supposed to be ONE WITH THE SITUATION. Don't resist it. Don't make it about me and my mothering skills. Focus on the moment as it is, not as a means to an end. If I'm busy trying to get to the next moment, thing or place then I'm not present. Believe it or not, it works! I have been very aware of when I am not present. Even if I don't feel like I can really be present in the moment, just being aware of that is remarkably enlightening.

I think children are so good at being Present that it is frustrating for the rest of us that are caught up in the dysfunction of what we call life. We perpetuate our dysfunction long enough until they are ready to join the insane, adult world.

Can I stop my own madness?

One With The Situation

I am reading Echkart Tolle's book A New Earth right now, Oprah's book club selection. I have had the book and read half of it prior to the book club selection and have picked it up again. In a very small nutshell, this book is about disidentifying from your ego, i.e., the content of life vs that which enables the content to be - the inner space of consciousness. I think this would make no sense if you haven't read the book. I really get what I'm reading and it is profound although I don't think I can begin to communicate it in a few sentences. The knowing that I feel when I read this book makes it hard to be sarcastic about my life. I have taken pleasure in the past from being sarcastic and perceiving myself as 'funny'. I think it is time to move on.

On the same note, I don't want to write with expectations of anything other than personal growth. Although, I think it would be hard to write knowing that others are reading without admitting that it must be feeding my ego in some respect. Perhaps if I chronicle my growth in an honest fashion then I will at least be able to admit the aspects of ego that are a part of this journey.

I hate the use of the word journey, by the way. I think it's WAY overused.

On a totally different note, I am watching the show "Moment of Truth" right now and I can't help but say the this woman and her husband are complete fucking idiots. It's painful to watch and yet I am still watching it. Will the money be a comfort to her after she's ruined the life she has created for herself??

The title of this post "one with the situation" was one of the points in the book that resonated me. Rather than resisting what happens, one should (not the correct word 'should') become one with the situation and focus on the NOW. I had a great example from this morning but I am too exhausted to relay it. I will write about it tomorrow.

Thursday Thirteen - 5th Edition

Thirteen Questions 1. What are you afraid of? 2. What gives you joy? 3. What are you waiting for? 4. Can you go a whole day without complaining? A week? 5. How many things can you do today out of pure love and kindness? 6. Have you created the life that you really want for yourself? 7. If not, do you take responsibility for that or blame someone else? 8. Do you live your life on purpose or just let it happen to you? 9. When is the last time you really had FUN? 10. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. How are you using yours? How often do you use the excuse that you "don't have time"? 11. Do you smile first or wait for the other person? 12. When hugging someone, are you the first or last to let go? 13. What do you love about yourself?

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Thursday Thirteen - 4th Edition

Thirteen Things I LOVE about my husband (not necessarily in order of importance) 1. He is tall, dark and handsome. 2. He still brings me flowers. 3. He is the first to notice a beautiful sky. 4. He is one of the most patient people I've ever met. 5. He still tells me I'm cute. 6. He is the most driven, ambitious, tenacious person I've ever met. 7. He has a HUGE, loving and generous heart. 8. He cries to country songs. 9. He loves his mama. 10. He is the most amazing father to our three children. 11. He never says no when I ask for a massage, even the non-sexual ones. 12. He's like my own private yacht. 13. He is the strongest person, both physically and mentally that I know. BONUS: 14. He makes me feel safe. 15. He makes the bed. 16. He can fix just about anything. 17. He always smells good. 18. He makes me laugh. 19. He is so very smart.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Thursday Thirteen - 3rd Edition

Thirteen Translations for Things Women Say DISCLAIMER: the comments below are from a random sampling of women and do not represent the thoughts of the blogger. 1. Does my butt look big? Translation: Do I look good? Correct answer is always "you look great!". That way you are not technically lying if our butt really does look big. "Big butt? So what?" is my husband's typical response. He can get away with this because of the OBVIOUS humor. 2. It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean. Translation: this is the equivalent of the male answer above. We are just trying to be nice. We really want our own private yacht. 3. Honey, would you please take out the trash? Translation: Jackass, if you throw something away and the trash is full then TAKE IT OUT! 4. I love it when you are the last one out of bed in the morning and you make the bed. Translation: This is exactly what we mean. We LOVE it. It's foreplay in every sense of the word. 5. No, I really don't want anything for Valentine's Day, birthday, anniversary, etc. Translation: I really don't want anything BUT a thoughtful gift would be nice. REEEALLLY NICE. ALWAYS play it safe and come home with a 'thoughtful' gift. If you were smart, you would have a stash of 'thoughtful' gifts. Remember, perception is reality. 6. I love being a wife and mother; it is all I ever dreamed of. Translation: PLEASE, go to work, eat in solitude, have conversations that involve multi-syllablic words, wipe white-boards, not butts, take a sh*t by yourself, really, I'll be here poking my eyes out. 7. I am naturally thin. I eat whatever I want and just can't gain weight. Translation: I am either compulsively anorexic/bulemic or am so strung out on #@* that I could care less what I eat. 8. I've never done this before. Translation: Really, I've never done this before. 9. I'm not hungry, you go ahead and eat what you want. Translation: If I eat off of your plate the calories don't count so make sure you include enough for me. 10. Let's just stop and ask for directions. I'll even get out and pretend I'm the one driving. Translation: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, let's stop wasting our time and figure out where the hell we are going. It takes a secure man to ask for directions and we LOVE that. 11. Ahhh, I am so tense, I could use a shoulder massage. Translation: I could really use a shoulder massage. This does not mean, I repeat does not mean, I am so horny and could really use a stiff #*%. 12. Honey, I could use a few hours to myself. Would you please take the kids SOMEWHERE besides here. Translation: If I don't get a loooooong moment to myself I am likely to pull a Britney. Fess up ladies, I know there are many of you out there trying to figure out how you can get committed for 72 hours. What exactly do we have to do to get that sort of treatment? I'll shave my head, take off my underwear, speak in a British accent .. . so far no one's buying it. 13. Honey, we really need to talk. Translation: Bring home the private yacht, the thoughtful gifts, the shoulder massage and an afternoon alone and we promise we won't talk about our feelings.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Thursday Thirteen - 2nd Edition

Thirteen Ways to Leave Your Lover 1. Just slip out the back, Jack 2. Make a new plan, Stan 3. You don't need to be coy, Roy 4. Hop on the bus, Gus 5. Just drop off the key, Lee 6. Chop off his organ, Morgan 9. Cut him off at the knees, Bree 10. Kick him in the balls, Y'all 11. Slip her a mickey, Dickey 12. Set him on fire, Liar 13. Push him down the stairs, Blair Note: I think I started off with a bang and am not too excited about my 2nd edition. Don't give up on me: )

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Thursday Thirteen - 1st edition

Apparently, Thursday Thirteen is a very popular MEME on the internet. I had to look up the word meme. Pronounced meem, It means "A unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another." So here I go . . .

Thirteen Negative Thoughts that I Tried to Replace With Positive Thoughts this Week 1. Man, I hate the smell of dog poop and the steam coming off of it in the freezing cold . . . but they are efficient little suckers. I don't think a constipated Chihuahua and French Bulldog would be much fun now would they. Good job pooping guys! 2. I really wish I could drug these children so they would just GO TO BED!@#! But on the other hand, maybe I am such a great mom that they just can't get enough of me. What a zest for life these darlings have. Perhaps I should try jumping on the bed. It just might shake that stick out of my ass. 3. If I have to endure any more little people screaming hate words at each other I am going to jump right in and help them scratch each other's eyes out. Now what good would that do? Blind children would be so much more work. Not to mention, these are valuable conflict resolution skills that will serve them well later in life. It is also a perfect opportunity for me to practice the Zen of motherhood. Its about the calm in your heart. . . calm in your heart . . . calm in your heart. 4. Ugh! I am sick of pulling the waistband of my jeans up over my belly when I sit down. Will I ever have a flat stomach again? Of course I will! A little less wine, a lot more exercise and few less Doritos and we'll be playing quarters on my stomach once again. Memories . . . . . . . 5. This Thursday Thirteen thing sucks. I am only on #5 and running out of ideas. NO, this is a great opportunity for me to express myself and although I am drinking wine I am not eating Doritos. 6. The fat between my bra and my waistband that squishes as I sit really grosses me out. This is just a perfect reminder to sit up straight! I have a very womanly figure crying out for me to sit and stand up straight, throw those shoulders back and embrace my femininity. I have a great body and mind! 7. My skin is looking old. These children have aged me dramatically. They really are out to get me and make sure I am chained to them forever. First of all, if I am chained to them forever that is a good thing. They are joyous!! And as long as I moisturize, moisturize, moisturize and take my fish oil supplements my skin looks pretty darn good for my age (36). Every once in awhile I still get ID'd at the liquor store and in dark bars. I embrace my 36 years of life experience and my beautiful family! 8. My house is too big. I can't keep it clean. Nobody cares that all I do is clean up their crap. I have a wonderful, warm house full of things that we all enjoy. I take comfort in knowing that every day while everyone is gone I take a bag of stuff to donate to someone who really needs it. 9. Oh my gosh, my new dryer is shrinking all my jeans. What an expensive piece of sh@#t! Face the music, sister, you are not getting any younger, and that is OK! Discipline is not a dirty word. Self-discipline is a form of compassion. I read that once and fully believe in it. 10. My husband doesn't listen to me and all he wants to do is have sex. . . . Is that negative?? He still thinks you're hot! Embrace it!! 11. Does he really think I'm hot or does he just have no other options? Of course he has other options and of course I'm hot. Does is matter? I'm hot and I really want sex every day. . . want sex every day . . want sex every day. . 12. Two more. I am determined to finish this tonight and figure out how to link it to the thursdaythirteen.com website. I have read the instructions over and over and am confused confused. I can do it. I can do it. I am still smart!!!! 13. I can't think of anymore negative thoughts. I think thats pretty good for a weeks worth of thoughts. I'm sure there were more but this exercise has encouraged me to focus on the positive. I hope it, in some way, encourages you to do the same. Focus on the positive, that is. xo Sarah

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

V is for Vienna Sausages

I used to love those things as a child. That and chewable baby aspirin. Do they still sell baby aspirin?

U is for Universe

I'm working on this one . . .

One of my favorite 13th-century poems

You were born with potential.
You were born with goodness and trust.
You were born with ideals and dreams.
You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You are not meant for crawling, so don't.
You have wings.
Learn to use them and fly.
- Rumi

T is for Thanksgiving

That is so predictable isn't it? This will be a different Thanksgiving than recent years past. We have decided to stay in Pittsburgh and won't have any family visiting us. That is not because we don't wish to see our family as they are always welcome, but we have been very fortunate to see much of them over the past few months. It is nice, actually, to spend time with good friends that we haven't seen since summer. The expectations are different. Not better, but different. This Thanksgiving, the friends that are making the long drive to see us from St. Louis are the Snows.

The Snows are really the only couple (family) that Chad and I both feel really connected to. Greg is a friend from college that Chad admires and has kept in contact with and Jessica, his wife, is someone that I have come to love and connect with over the years. She and I are definitely kindred spirits, which I have found is very rare. I adore this entire family and am honored that they have chosen to spend their holiday with us.

So, without being trite, I am grateful this Thanksgiving for a healthy family, really good friends, and the absolute pleasure that I feel to be loved and to love right back.

S is for Shoes

Ahhhhh . . . I love to buy new shoes. It doesn't matter if they are flip flops, slides, black boots, winter boots, sneakers, running shoes, sandals, crocs, you name it. They always fit and they brighten my usually mundane wardrobe. Chad does not share my love of shoes but then I don't share his love of tools. To each his own.

Little boys clothes are boring to start with. To my further disappointment, Sam had an extra wide foot for the first 6 years of his life which thus limited our choices to just a couple of styles. No cute shoes for him. My days brightened a little when sweet Henry did not have a wide foot. I had so much more to choose from! Red Chuck Taylor's were among my first favorites. And then the heavens opened up and gave me a girl with a petite foot. Not only was I set free from stripes, rugbys, dinosaurs and sports appliques but I could buy shoes to match! It gets even better. At nearly 20 months, she already seems to share my attraction to those pretty things we put on our feet. We can be shopping for groceries and if there happens to be a random display of shoes she starts taking hers off to try them on, without any prompting from me. Just today, I brought her home a new pair of brown boots with little pink flowers and her eyes lit up while she instinctively plopped down to try them on. Do I dare count how many shoes she's had so far in her short little life? Not to mention she's only been walking for 2.5 months. Let's see . . . I can count about 13 off the top of my head. Is that bad? They're just so tiny and cute that I can't resist. Plus, I rationalize that I can pass them down to cousin Ava.

The weather is finally turning cold here. You know what that means. I pretty much wear the same old clothes but I get to switch shoes! I'm still waiting for the perfect day to break out my new Merrells.

R is for Risk

What is your definition of RISK and when is the last time that you took one? Really took one. Of all the people that I know, Chad is the biggest risk taker. He goes forth with his ideas with full force and passion and seemingly has no concept of failure. At least if he does, it doesn't stop him. I am his biggest supporter, besides his mother. I am able to say now, after MUCH personal growth . . . . what is the worst that can happen? There is nothing that I can imagine that would be worse than not following your passion.

With that being said, what is my passion? I am passionate about my husband and children but that is obvious and easy. That is not a risk. Is there something out there that I really want to do but am not doing because I'm afraid to fail? Does there have to be more than I have now? ? Am I searching for something that isn't there?? I think that there is something more there to be discovered. I don't feel like I am empty but I do feel that I have great potential to do more and make a positive impact on others. I just need to figure out how to figure it out.

Q is for Qdoba

Duh! The business endeavor that we have chosen to pursue has been a HUGE part of our lives for the last 6 years. It has been a great source of stress and of accomplishment. It has paid our bills and wracked them up at the same time. It has forced Chad to, in my opinion, push himself in ways that he has always been capable of but never been called upon to act. It has forced me to think about what is really important and also what it really means to be a wife and mother. I married Chad because I loved and adored him and he loved and adored me (more) and made me feel safe and special. Nine years later I have realized that he is so much more man than I ever dreamed of. He is smart, determined, ambitious, driven and always loving and supportive. Succeeding in business for the right reasons is important to him and even more important is his family. He is able to handle tremendous stress on a daily basis and still make it home to put his kids to bed, make their soccer games and cub scout meetings and still, after nine years, let his wife know that she is loved and respected.

Building a business has been very hard and required much sacrifice but ultimately I think it has reminded us that if everything goes up in smoke we will always have each other and that will always be enough.

P is for Purpose

I would like to wake up each day knowing that I live my life on purpose.

O is for ?

I haven't posted in a long time. I have had a really hard time coming up with anything that starts with O. I have missed writing and reading others' posts so I think I'm going to just move forward. I will come up with something for O later . . .

N is for Never

• I've never climbed a 'real' mountain. I don't think I want to but the fact that I'm still thinking about it makes me think I do.


• I've never been really athletic, although I wish that was. I don't think it's completely out of the question yet.


• I've never developed a taste for 'real' martinis (i.e not a cosmo), although I see that in my future.


• I've never pierced anything except my ears and I'm totally ok with that.


• I've never been a waitress or a bartender but I've always wanted to be one. I haven't totally ruled it out just yet.


• I've never been a blond and have always wanted to try it. The maintenance is such a bitch though.


• I've never adopted/purchased a pet and kept it until it died. I really think I'm doing it this time though : )


• Since I can remember, I've never lived in one place for more than 4 years. We're going on 3.5 years here but we've already purchased a new house.
  
  
• I've never had a one night stand.
  

M is for More

I want to focus on ENOUGH rather than MORE.

L is for Lucy

You knew that was coming, right? Lucy is pure joy and love wrapped in one awfully cute package! She lights up a room to say the least and is surely the brightest spot in my day. Sorry, boys: ) She has so much personality and is so sweet that one cannot be around her without smiling, even when she's being a pill. I never really wanted a girl but she came at exactly the right time in my life that I could fully appreciate and enjoy her. Remind me of this when she hits puberty.

K is for Kindergarten

Henry had his first full day of kindergarten yesterday and loved it. He rode the bus to and from school and took his lunch and ate in the cafeteria. It was a big day for all. It was much more emotional for me when Sam went to kindergarten. This time it was pretty easy. I think I saw a few tears in Chad's eyes though. It was little Lucy who took it the hardest. All I heard ALL day was "Ham? Heny? Dada? over and over and over. She is so excited when we go to get them from the bus. Very sweet.

J is for Juleah

I thought for days what I would do with J. All I could think of was Joy and Jesus for which I could not come up with anything that seemed from my heart.

So, J is for Juleah, my sister-in-law. I don't have any biological sisters so I do appreciate when a woman comes in to my life that I consider a sister. I have had best friends and a step-sister by marriage that I was extremely close to but, sadly, am not anymore. Juleah is a person that upon first meeting I dismissed as someone that I could never relate to. She was too young, too spoiled, too redneck, etc. I think she felt the same way about me but with different adjectives. To my absolute pleasure, I can say today that I was very wrong! I think we have both grown from that first day that we met and thus have been able to open our hearts to one another. She is a true delight. I love that we are different and can revel in those differences. I respect her as a mother and wife which are two of my big measuring sticks.

We cooked an entire "Brooks Family" Thanksgiving dinner together in 2006 and did not argue or disagree once. It was of the most enjoyable experiences I've ever had, as I love to cook. We slaved over the famous 'Brooks' dressing and baked two different coconut cream pies - hers had a little more coconut, mine had a little more vanilla. It was a memorable and bonding experience.

I can say, without question, that she is one of the (few) people if my life that I fully trust and love.

I is for Independent

Being independent is a valuable quality that I learned at an early age. My, now passed, grandmother used to tell a story of me calling her at work asking where the tuna was because I needed to make sandwiches for me and my father. I was all of 5 years old.

I remember saying with great conviction that I never wanted to get married because I never wanted to depend on someone. I never wanted to have children because I think I was tired of being depended upon at a young age. I vehemently did not want to rely on another and in turn did not want someone to rely on me. I wanted to be free. This served me well in many circumstances but also left me lonely in many others.

I am, right now, the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I can say that without a doubt. I am also the most dependent and the most depended upon that I have ever been. I have given up having a career to care for my children and my family, without any regrets. I am completely dependent on my husband to make the money that sustains our lifestyle. My children are, in turn, dependent on me to care for them on a daily basis. It is at times a very helpless feeling and at times a very powerful feeling.

H is for Hot

I am tired of being hot and sweaty everyday and not having central air. Fall is my favorite season and I can't wait!!

G is for Growing Up

I can't believe the kids are growing up so fast! Plus, it also means I am getting oooold. Sam is finally about to lose his first tooth one month before he turns 7, which is much later than anyone else we know. I was really enjoying looking at all those baby teeth in his big boy mouth. Once the adult teeth come in they look SO BIG comparatively. You can already see the big tooth coming in behind the one that's hanging by a thread. It makes me sad.

And then there's sweet Henry, going off to kindergarten and riding the bus. He will still be my baby boy for awhile longer though.

P.S. after I posted this the first time, Sam lost his tooth while on his playdate. He's convinced the tooth fairy will leave him either $5 or a small toy.

G is for Go

I think I feel the need to GO too much. It would be good for me to take more time to just BE.

F is for Friendship

I have been surprised, and then not so surprised if I'm honest with myself, at the friends that I've gained and the friend that I've lost this year. What do I require or appreciate in a friend? There are definitely different levels of friendship, as we have all experienced. Someone that I held dear to my heart for years is suddenly not my friend anymore and I am actually much better for it. But was it really suddenly and why am I better and does it really have anything to do with her?

Who holds the ticket to unconditional forgiveness no matter what they do? Anyone? Your mother? Your sister? Your best friend from high school that knows all your secrets? Apparently my mother does. Although everyone has to forgive their mother for something. I always remember the quote, "you forgive your mother once you become a mother" or something along those lines. That is definitely true. When I became a mother I experienced feelings I had never experienced before which made me appreciate my mother all the more. Thank goodness my mother is not a hard person to forgive.

My step-sister, the only sister I ever really knew (besides you JULEAH) and a very close friend, is right now on the 'do-not-forgive' list. That would be me totally in the grip of my ego, right?? I think her horrific behavior has gone on so long that I can no longer speak to her no matter what she has to say to me. At this point, she has nothing to say so the point is moot.

I think this is just me rambling but I think if a person is obstructing how you want to live your life then you have reevaluate the relationship. Everyone deserves forgivness no matter what they do but just because you forgive them doesn't mean they have to be an active part of your life. Maybe my posting should be F for Forgiveness.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner was you" - Lewis B. Smedes

F is for Family

I feel so blessed in all ways to have the family that I do. I love my little family here in Pittsburgh. Chad, Sam, Henry, Lucy and Mojo fill my heart with joy every single day. I love that I have reconciled all my differences with my parents and have overcome childhood 'stuff'. I feel tremendous love from them every day no matter how far away they are or how often I talk to them. I love that Chad's family has taken me in as one of their own and shown me unconditional love. I am truly grateful.

F is for First grade

Sam will be going to first grade one week from today! A new school, a new bus, new everything. I know I will be anxiously waiting at the bus stop at the 3:30 next Tuesday to hear how his first day went. I met his teacher last night and really like her and really like the new school. I think we made the right decision.

E is for Ego

I love to study the ego. I have read many books that discuss this topic and how to move beyond it but the one I'm reading now is by Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth; Awakening to Your Life's Purpose.

From the book . .

"Ego is always identification with form, seeking yourself and thereby losing yourself in some form. Forms are not just material objects and physical bodies. More fundamental than the external forms - things and bodies -are the thought forms that continuously arise in the field of consciousness. What you may be aware of as a voice in your head that never stops speaking is the stream of incessant and compulsive thinking. When every thought absorbs your attention completely, when you are so identified with the voice in your head and the emotions that accompany it that you lose yourself in every thought and every emotion, then you are totally identified with form and therefore in the grip of ego."

"Once you realize what the ego is and how it works [you will find peace]. When forms that you had identified with, that gave you your sense of self, collapse or are taken away, it can lead to a collapse of the ego, since ego is identification with form. When there is nothing to identify with anymore, who are you? When forms around you die or death approaches, your sense of Beingness, of I Am, is freed from it's entanglement with form: Spirit is released from its imprisonment. You realize your essential identity as formless, as an all-pervasive Presence, of Being prior to all forms, all identifications. You realize your true identity as consciousness itself, rather than what consciousness had identified with. That's the peace of God. The ultimate truth of who you are is not I am this or I am that, but I Am."

D is for Diligent

Chad is the most diligent, hard-working person I have EVER met. He has been working day in and day out to get the house ready to sell and he never stops. Besides the fact that he has nine restaurants and is opening more. I get tired just watching him. I get tired taking care of my 1lb dog.

A to Z: D is for Ding Dong

This is what I just told my children to stop acting like. Is this effective parenting?

A to Z : C is for Choice

I completely believe that your life is created by your choices, conscious or unconscious, responsible or not. If I am happy or sad, fat or skinny, angry or joyful, lazy or productive, I created the situation by my choices. Today I will make responsible choices: )

B is for Boys

Boys are the center of my life right now. These sweet boys are a constant reminder of the importance of being in the moment and of the joy that is Life. They force me to be present when I might otherwise be off in my own little world. They continually push me to be the best that I can be. They love without reservation and feel their emotions deeply. Their laughter and their cries come from deep within their souls. If I pay attention, they teach me something everyday.

A is for ALL I seem to do is laundry

I am going to do an A to Z Encyclopedia of Me at the urging of my mother. She is doing one on her blog.

I tried to think of something more interesting for A but all I can think of is all the laundry that awaits me. Laundry to pick up in bedrooms and bathrooms, laundry to carry down to the basement, laundry to sort, laundry to check for stains, laundry to wash, laundry to fold, laundry to carry upstairs, laundry to put away . . . .

Yesterday, when I was sorting through my huge pile in the basement I found two dead baby mice amongst the clothes. Yes. We had found two live baby mice the day before. Apparently all were orphaned by a mouse we caught in the pantry. It was disturbing in many ways. Sam was sad because the babies had no mama. Against my wishes, Chad indulged him and let him care for the live ones until they died later that day. Sam experienced closure that way so it was actually good. I felt like I was in some sick suburbian version of the Godfather coming across those dead ones in the laundry.

It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you, right?

"Noooooooooooooooo"

I was going to change my blog to be for those only "INVITED" because I was starting to feel I should not have invited so many people that I KNOW to read it. That is me worrying about what people think. I vow not to do that anymore. Going forward, realize (YOU reading this), if you haven't already, that I am not perfect and politically correct all the time. Who you thought I was may not be who I really am but that really changes nothing . . . except for your perception. I am loving and trusworthy and loyal. I have a tendency to 'tell it like is' according to my MOOD at that particular moment. I also have open ears to those that disagree with that mood or opinion. I am blessed that I have loving supporters whatever I choose to do or say because they know the love that springs from my heart . . . although when I told my mother we were getting a chihuahua she let out an emphatic "Nooooooooooooooooooo".

Why do I feel like I have to defend myself when it comes to the dog? I know it stems from the fact that I purchased an expensive Pit Bull 3 years ago only to give it away 1 and 1/2 years later. My children and I still get teary over Bullseye. I just knew that I was not the best I could be in that situation.

So . . . am I trying to atone? Why do I really want a pet? Is it a substitute for a 4Th child? I think that's what Bullseye was . . a substitute for a third child. Once I became pregnant with Lucy I promptly gave the dog away. Should I examine this compulsive need to care for something? Is it for ME or for the CHILDREN or for both. Is there an underlying motive or is it a basic need? I think saying it is a basic need would be a cop out.

Maybe it's not complicated at all. Maybe it's just that kids like dogs and I like my kids. Maybe it's just LOVE. That puppy looks at me like I am his world . . similar to a newborn baby. It is a profound feeling to feel needed like that. I have gotten used to being needed. What happens when I'm not needed anymore?

In retrospect

In retrospect, after reading my last blog I realize that it may have sounded more negative than I had intended. I have a tendency to say things without tact. Or at least with less tact than I intended. That was made clear by the look my husband gave me today after finally reading my last blog. It is hard to say what you really think without offending people. That being said, everything I say has everything to do with ME and nothing to do with anyone else. I was pleasantly surprised at the warm feelings I felt on my most recent trip to OK. However, I don't think that was the predominant feeling that was communicated in my writing. It is hard for people to realize this who haven't been in my shoes. I really have bad memories of my first 21 years in Oklahoma. Memories that make me shudder in my shoes. Not because I had bad parents or shoes from Payless (although that was horrifying). The fact that I am not miserable NOW is a big accomplishment for ME. My writing is more of a mind dump than a comment on the people who happen to be included in the thought process.

I also find it interesting that I love writing and most people are complimentary. My husband, however, thinks I should look elsewhere for my next career. He is not impressed.

I will strive to write about my feelings without wondering what people think although that seems quite difficult at this point. When will we get to the point that we really don't care what people think??