Saturday, August 25, 2007

I is for Independent

Being independent is a valuable quality that I learned at an early age. My, now passed, grandmother used to tell a story of me calling her at work asking where the tuna was because I needed to make sandwiches for me and my father. I was all of 5 years old.

I remember saying with great conviction that I never wanted to get married because I never wanted to depend on someone. I never wanted to have children because I think I was tired of being depended upon at a young age. I vehemently did not want to rely on another and in turn did not want someone to rely on me. I wanted to be free. This served me well in many circumstances but also left me lonely in many others.

I am, right now, the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I can say that without a doubt. I am also the most dependent and the most depended upon that I have ever been. I have given up having a career to care for my children and my family, without any regrets. I am completely dependent on my husband to make the money that sustains our lifestyle. My children are, in turn, dependent on me to care for them on a daily basis. It is at times a very helpless feeling and at times a very powerful feeling.

4 comments:

OneEar said...
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Juleah said...

It has been so fun to witness a small portion of this change. I would say you are now very well balanced when it comes to being independent which is not where I would have classified you when I first met you. You are also so much more open to talk about things. I have really enjoyed your friendship the last couple of years. Thank you for opening up to me and being honest, that is the way to my heart.

Connie said...

I think part of your happiness comes from having emancipated yourself from within, giving yourself permission to need someone. It's a marvelous transition. I love the paradox of being stronger because you allow yourself to be dependent.

Trick Dog said...

i think it's hard to teach kids to be independent and to ask for help at the same time -- maybe you're going to have it figured out