Sunday, December 12, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
To accept this award I have to:
* reveal 7 truths about myself
* select 7 blogs that I would like to share the award with
So here are my seven truths:
1. I like to swear. A lot. I always have and I don't know why, but I do. Besides the occasional outburst , I do a decent job of not swearing in front of my kids. As long as they don't fuck up we're in pretty good shape.
2. I am immensely blessed and eternally grateful for my healthy, beautiful family.
3. I am a procrastinator.
4. I never played sports but wished I had. I know, I know, it's never to late. STFU.
5. I love nifty electronic gadgets. iPad, iPod Touch, smart phones, etc. Unfortunately, they do not help with my procrastination issues.
6. I love realty tv. And my DVR.
7. I am not a good housekeeper. Probably because I spend too much time playing with my nifty electronic gadgets and watching tv :-)
7 Blogs I'd like to see participate:
Hmmm, I'm pretty much a blog stalker so I'm not sure I have seven to suggest. I'll go ahead and post and think on it.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Note: the Reese's peanut butter cup is just a basic chocolate & peanut butter combination that must be tried. The best chocolate cupcake with the perfect peanut butter inside sounds delightful. Will it bake up so? No idea.
Friday, September 3, 2010
But, that's not the topic! I am more funky than fresh right now. I'll just let you wonder about that.
How cute is this website?? Love it! Funky and fresh! Carolyn's Kitchen
Love this apron! Pretty sure I don't need the garter. I definitely always wear clothes under my apron as well. Would not use the gloves but still think they're cute.
Note to men reading this blog.....no matter how cute & hip, I wouldn't buy this for your lady. If my mom or sister-in-law gave it to me, even with the garter, I would be amused and love it and think it was sooooooo cute. If my husband got it for me, especially with the garter, I'd think "WTF do you think I am? Some whore that cooks for you? What? I don't look good enough already while I cook all your meals and wash your clothes? I need to wear an apron with a fucking garter too?! Fuck You. I ain't cookin' no more. You go give this to your Chinese girlfriend with the small hands. I bet she'll wear it while she "give you happy ending". Then ask her for an egg roll because your missus said 'So solly Missa Brooks, I no cook tonight."
Just kidding. That was a joke, people. I crack myself up with my "Missa Brooks" routine. I don't think Chad thinks it's as funny. Don't make fun of people who speak broken English, he says. She's just trying to make a living. Whatever. I know he wishes
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I have a couple of good options for the chocalate cupcake part. I'll put a rolo in the middle. Certain recipes accept a dollop in the batter better than others. Another option is to pipe caramel filling into my normal dark chocolate cupcake. I would definitely like your thoughts on the frosting. I'll sprinkle/coat the frosting in a sugar/sea salt mixture like I did the cookie. Should the frosting be a typical chocolate buttercream? A richer chocolate ganache? A combination of chocolate, caramel buttercream? A chocolate buttercream with caramel drizzle and sugar/sea salt sprinkle? I'm leaning towards chocolate ganache with sugar/seat salt sprinkle. Although who can resist caramel drizzle. Hello! So many options. Please let me know what makes your mouth water. I am excited about this cupcake!
Confession time. The woman I most envy right now is The Pioneer Woman. I love her blog!! I admire her. I think she's funny. I think she's smart. I wonder why I didn't think of all that stuff that she does. I could have done that! Right? But I didn't. So, I feel like a loser. Don't tell Pioneer Woman. She would disapprove. I just want to get my shit together and do something!!! Ugh. What is my problem!!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Well, I don't like blogging on my iPad. Besides the fact that I can't type at my normal lightening speed I can't figure out how to upload a darn picture! On my desktop I can save a picture and then easily upload it. On the iPad I can save a picture but can't figure out how to upload it to the blog. Drives me nuts.
Why can't I blog on my desktop, you may be thinking. Well, the desktop crashed a bajillion times. I'm sure if it wasn't completely fucked already I finished it off by repeatedly unplugging and restarting it. I moved on to the backup laptop but the keyboard was all jacked up and not working at all. Fucking kids. I took both computers, which are not old, to Kevin, the computer guy. I called to check on them today. He said they were both working perfectly for him! WTF???? He did witness the jacked upness of the laptop when I dropped it off so he doesn't think I'm crazy.
In the meantime I've been using Chad's brand new laptop when he's not looking. Shhhhhh. However, I've only been doing real important stuff like hockey manager spreadsheets, planning a pre-season hockey party for 50 people and organizing half-time oranges for football. Next week is the first general PTA meeting (for which I'm already VP) so someone better tie my hands to keep me from volunteering for more shit like homeroom mom, library, math & science fair........ I think I'm trying to prove that having kids hasn't turned me into the fucking retard I feel like half the time. I'm showing them alright. Whomever they are.
Monday, August 23, 2010
By the time the boys got off the bus I had baked brownies, bagel bites & pizza to welcome them home. They bounded off the bus with smiles. Hooray!!
Apparently Sam's teacher is the Goddess of all Children. She has 6 biological children, one with special needs and another that recently had a liver transplant. She's in the process of adopting two more with special needs. WELL......... I said, "Did you mention you had FOUR cavities and I dealt with it in stride! I had them filled right away! And with the white stuff, not the trashy silver stuff. Yeah! Did you put that in your "me bag" to take to school tomorrow?
I bet she had a crock pot going all day making pot roast or some shit. I've decided if I make brownies & pizza when they get home from school then that's their dinner! Seriously? I suggested Chad have a burrito. Duh.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
My belly laugh moment of the day came as Henry was filling out his 3rd grade paperwork during Sam's football game. When asked by his teacher "If I had a million dollars I would buy...", he responded, "I'd buy a new butt, cuz mine has a crack in it." I've been laughing ever since.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
These were the ones I made for her birthday last year that she also took for her soccer team.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I don't normally get stressed out about stuff. I'm a pretty laid back chick if you know what I mean. And if you don't, I just mean I don't give a fuck about a lot of shit. It's late..... I think I may swear more late at night. I'm usually in bed by 10pm. It's 11:30pm. Why, you ask, am I up so late? Because at some point, some time I thought it would be a good idea to make cupcakes for money. Conclusion: I should only make cupcakes because I enjoy it. Not for the money.
I made these beauties for a friend of mines husband to take to work to thank somebody for something. They turned out pretty cute. This first picture was taken on my kitchen counter. Not the best background but I didn't have a plate big enough. By the way, why do children have the urge to fucking touch EVERYTHING!!!! When they were babies they touched things to learn. By now they should keep their grubby hands off my shit!! I digress....
This picture is in the cupcake carrier. You can see the colors a bit different. 12 vanilla. 6 chocolate. $40.
I haven't had a cupcake order in I have no idea how long. I still have 2 dozen cupcakes for someone else to decorate for tomorrow!! WTF was I thinking?? Not to mention, Sam's birthday party is tomorrow at Kennywood which means I have to get up early and frost these other cupcakes (picture tomorrow), go pick up bagels & donuts and get a bunch of jacked up kids ready to head to the amusement park by 10am. Smart planning.
Cupcakes are cooling. I just need to finish the frosting. It's the frosting that always pushes me over the edge. I hate making frosting.
And you know what? My kids never want cupcakes for their birthdays. And I never eat the cupcakes. By the time I'm done baking and frosting and saying ever so nicely that I DON'T NEED ANY FUCKING HELP, THANK YOU!!!! I'm tired of looking at cupcakes.
I have to say that when I turned up the music and let it drown out the children's cries for "help" (give me a break) the whole process was quite enjoyable. That and the wine.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
One of my favorite, semi-healthy, go-to meals right now is, let's call it, Sarah's Cobb Salad. I can assemble it in less than 5 minutes and I thoroughly enjoy every single bite. Oh so tasty and I feel no guilt because I love it so much. Worth every single calorie.
My most favorite ingredient that I start to panic a bit when I'm almost out of is Galeos Miso Dijonnaise. I love, love, LOVE this salad dressing!!! I would love it even if it were unhealthy but it's actually super healthy! Low calorie, low fat, low sugar, high flavor. Love it!! I can only buy it at Whole Foods which is a pain to get to so I sometimes just order it online so I don't have to go without.
My second favorite and absolutely necessary ingredient is blue (or gorgonzola) cheese. Sometimes I have a big tub from Sam's Club which is adequate but lately I've been splurging on smaller portions of better quality cheese. Totally worth it.
I always buy in bulk mixed greens, real bacon bits & ready to eat chicken strips from Sam's Club so I have never have an excuse for not eating a salad.
My favorite croutons are Rothbury Farms (Cheese Garlic). They have the perfect crunch and seasoning. Other croutons just aren't worth the calories.
If I'm really on the ball I'll have hard boiled eggs & avocado on hand. Bonus but not necessary for pure enjoyment of my salad.
What's your favorite food, meal or recipe this summer?
Sunday, August 15, 2010
So I made up a song and I can't get it out of my head. It goes a little somethin' like this....
SCHOOL STARTS IN 1 WEEK! OH YEAH, Baby!!
I have a little dance that goes with it. The kids think I'm weird. Whatever. Pesky fuckers.
Also part of my Manic Monday was allowing 2 boys to sleep over last night which meant I was yelling at four boys at 11pm instead of just my own two. I did that forgetting I had already invited another boy to come over this morning and play. And then I, of course, invited his sister to stay and play so Lucy wouldn't be the only girl and driving me bananas. That's 7 kids in case you lost count. It was fun. Lots of pancakes, bacon, Gatorade and an extra large pizza. The only time I had to yell was when someone threw an old bottle of Hawaiian Punch on Henry, covering him from head to toe in his white shorts. I let the two girls pee behind a tree at the private school park. That's not bad, right?
All is quiet for the next 10 minutes then it's time to get ready for football. After I drop them off I'm on to my first hockey manager meeting. Should be interesting. Hockey parents can be intense. I shall be a catalyst for calm.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
This is what we have planned for the evening. Not sure if I'm a fan of Willie's family or not but I'm guessing at his age he needs all the help he can get.
I've only been to a handful of concerts in my lifetime. My first concert was as a teenager. Def Leppard. I will never forget that one because I wore a homemade, tie dyed dress made out of an XL men's white t-shirt. It was a super hot Oklahoma summer night and Def Leppard was kind enough to hose down all of us screaming teenage girls. As a result, I ended up in a very sheer men's white t-shirt that dyed my underwear the same color as the tie dye. ClassssEY
Other concerts? MC Hammer maybe in college. Or somebody like that. George Straight here in Pittsburgh. Poison here in Pittsburgh. That was fun. I know there are a few others I can't remember right now. Not so memorable I guess. Ok, I'm boring myself.
I am looking forward to tonight's concert as long as it cools off. It's 92 degrees right now and everyone who knows me knows that I won't last more than 5 minutes in heat like that. Cross your fingers. What are the chances I get offered a joint at this concert? Hmmmmm....
Oh, and I meant cross your fingers about the weather not the joint.
Wholey Moley it's been a long time since I've blogged!! I have missed it. I have actually started many a post over the summer and then abandoned them because either I got interrupted or decided it was going nowhere. I got an ipad for my birthday and that made it it harder to blog because I can't really type fast on it and I don't end up spending much time on a real keyboard because I'm
I'm thinking of having certain topics on specific days of the week to motivate me to write. Like "Tantalize me Tuesday", "Wordless Wednesday" .... things like that. Any ideas from my two loyal readers?
Monday, June 14, 2010
Today is Monday, which in my mind is when summer break begins. No waking kids up for school or hounding them to stay off the computer and eat their breakfast. No rushing to finish homework that was forgotten the night before. No frantic searches for missing shoes because it's a gym day and all we can find are Crocs. No stern reminders that they'll have to walk to school if they miss the bus. [Come to think of it, I never actually followed through on that threat. I'll have to come up with something better in the fall.]
Instead it's nearly 8am and Sam is still sleeping. Henry is up but quietly reading a book on the couch with the dogs. Lucy is still sleeping as well because she can't seem to go to sleep at a decent hour with these long summer days. I'll have time to cook the extra thick bacon instead of the precooked microwave kind. We can all stay in our pajamas until at least 10am. We'll start packing for our road trip to Myrtle Beach. Only two more sleeps until we leave!!
Will I be able to get everyone out of the house with no complaining so I can run errands? Possibly. If I bribe them with toys for the upcoming road trip. Will I be asked 67 times if we can go to the pool today? Probably. Will I take them? Probably not. Will we all enjoy the first Monday of summer break? Most definitely.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
I did, by the way, include bee pollen in a few bowls of oatmeal. I felt extremely itchy/hivey afterwards but I am not convinced it was due to the bee pollen. I also started taking these detox supplements at the same time. Unfortunately, you have to actually eat ultra healthy while taking all those supplements and I just wasn't into it 100% of my days. Healthy oatmeal, YEAH! Blah, blah, blah.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Apparently I've been living under a rock because I just read that bee pollen is one of nature’s healthiest and most powerful “superfoods”!! It’s been used as a dietary supplement for thousands of years. The early Egyptian and early Chinese civilizations both used it as a physical rejuvenator and medicine. The Greek physician Hippocrates, recognized as the father of modern medicine, used pollen as a healing substance over 2,500 years ago. Today natural health practitioners often refer to bee pollen as an herbal “fountain of youth” that can be used for everything from weight loss to cancer prevention. It may be nature's most perfect food...
Bee pollen has been shown to help people:
- Lose weight
- Increase energy, vitality and stamina
- Enhance the immune system
- Relieve allergy and asthma symptoms
- Improve sexual function
- Correct digestion problems
- Slow the aging process
One thing is certain (according to bee-pollen-health.com): people who consume high-quality bee pollen almost always experience an increase in energy, zest, and physical endurance. This is precisely why thousands of world-class athletes supplement their diets with this natural substance.
What’s in Bee Pollen?
Bee pollen contains an incredible array of vitamins, minerals, amino acids, enzymes, co-enzymes, and hormones. It is especially rich in B vitamins and antioxidants, including lycopene, selenium, beta carotene, vitamin C, vitamin E, and several flavanoids. It is composed of 55% carbohydrates, 35% protein, 3% vitamins and minerals, 2% fatty acids, and 5% other substances. Overall, it's one of the most nutritionally complete natural substances found on earth. Who knew???
Well, buckle the fuck up, cuz guess who bought some bee pollen today??!! Yep, you got it. Yours truly!! I'm puttin' it in my oatmeal tomorrow morning!
Monday, January 25, 2010
First, a little background. I never had a super close relationship with my grandparents. I have a few random, yet vivid memories. They were amazing people, I cried when they died but I didn't mourn the "relationship". You know what I'm saying?
Chad's mom was the MOST amazing Mom and Memaw. Even though we lived far away she always made sure she saw us at least every 3 months. To say she was loving and generous is to put it mildly. It is truly tragic she left this earth so early. I sincerely mourn my relationship with her that was cut so short. Even more deeply, I mourn the fact that Sharon will not see her grandchildren grow up and they will not truly appreciate the person she was. I am extremely grateful for the time we did get to spend with her but it wasn't enough!
And so here we are. January 2010. My mom (Yaya) has made the HUGE decision to keep her wonderful home and darling husband in Tulsa AND rent an apartment here in Sewickley for 6 months so she can test the retirement waters and be close to her one and only (biological - which trumps the rest of you btw) fabulous child and three wonderful grandchildren. In Lucy's words, we are Super DUPER excited!!
I'm finally getting to the heart warming tidbit . . . When Henry got off the bus this afternoon he was carrying one of his favorite stuffed animals. How sweet is it that he still takes stuffed animals to school?! Anyway, the first thing he said was, "When is Yaya getting here?" He then proceeded to turn his little dog upside down to show me the tiny hole in it's belly. He then told me he had a couple of things that needed fixed. Lucy has a couple things lined up too.
I LOVE that they think of Yaya when one of their prized possessions is wounded. I think they will forever remember her as being the only one that can "fix" those things. Daddy can fix just about anything under the sun. But he doesn't sew. Mama is good for cooking, cleaning and cuddling when you are hurt or sad (as long as it doesn't drag the fuck on). But unless dollies and stuffed animals can be fixed with super glue or tape then Mama is worthless. Enter Yaya.
There are probably many aspects of their relationship with Yaya that we adults don't even realize are important. Yaya definitely knows kids speak up at the most unexpected moments with the most unexpected things. I am thrilled beyond words that she will be able to experience many more of those moments!
So, Mom and Tom, I know this change is BIG. I realize the sacrifice is HUGE for both of you. I am deeply grateful you two are open and willing to take on the challenge! Thank you, Tom, for understanding and sharing her with us! Regardless of things bought, moved and left behind I truly believe that it's the little unexpected moments that will make it all worthwhile.
Friday, January 22, 2010
"I guess it's just a genetic flaw in humans," said Amichai Shulman, the chief technology officer at Imperva, which makes software for blocking hackers. "We've been following the same patterns since the 1990s."
A genetic flaw??? I guess that's a nice way of saying at least 20% of Americans are dumber than a fucking rock.
For entire article go HERE.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
From Sarah Brooks: Woo Hoo!!!!! All that keeps running through my head when I think of Obama is the following quote from the movie The Hangover.
Monday, January 18, 2010
5 Word Review: I Fucking Hated This Movie.
OK, so to be fair, this is not the type of movie I would normally watch in the first place. This was the plot summary I found online, "In the not-too-distant future, across the wasteland of what was once America, a lone warrior must fight to bring civilization the knowledge that could be the key to its redemption." After reading that I didn't want to watch it in the theater, at home, with a gun to my head . . .
But, I really [REALLY] wanted to get out of the house with two of my girlfriends and this was the only movie that fit into our timeline. They wanted to see it and, believe it or not, they loved it! They really, really did. So, this is just one fabulous person's opinion.
My one friend loves Denzel and, as a devout Christian, loved the message. Spoiler Alert! Don't read any further if you don't want to discover the "knowledge" referenced above.
By the end of the movie it is revealed that The Book of Eli is the last remaining King James Bible. Denzel (Eli) has been protected by God for the last 30 years as he's traveled through an America devastated by war, poverty and depravity because God spoke to him telling him to take the Book to "the West". There is a tremendous amount of violence and it is clear that cannibalism as a means of survival is commonplace. You can identify those who've eaten too much human meat by how much their hands shake.
Long, inane, unbelievable story short, Denzel has to give up THE BOOK towards the end to the one other person in the movie, i.e. THE bad guy, that realizes the importance of the Bible. Yet Denzel keeps travelling West, as he has been for the last 30 years. Everyone's wondering WTF . . . did he give the bad guy the REAL book (by this time everyone assumes its the Bible but it hasn't been confirmed) or does he have it hidden on his body somewhere?
Denzel (Eli) finally makes it to San Francisco where, apparently, the last civilized, intelligent people live. He tells them he has the last remaining King James Bible. Ta Daaaa!! They are astounded and grateful. At the same time the bad guy is opening up what he thinks is the Bible he stole from Denzel. It is then revealed . . . . that the bad guy DOES have the bible BUT . . . . It's all in BRAILLE!!!! Mooootheeeerfuuuucker!!!! He doesn't really say that but you know that's what he's thinking. The girlfriend he's been extremely horrid to throughout the movie just happens to be BLIND (pieces are falling into place) but she gives him a big FUCK YOU and says she doesn't remember braille. Touche!!
At the same time it is revealed that Denzel (Eli) is, yep, you got it, BLIND. He's been reading his braille Bible every day for the last 30 years so he has it memorized and proceeds to recite it to the San Francisco guy so they can print it on the ancient printing press they have put in working condition. Then Eli dies. His purpose has been fulfilled.
Hallelujah, it's over! We can go to PF Changs. I need a fucking drink after watching Denzel decapitate all those cannibalistic losers. My favorite part of the movie and the only thing that kept me interested was that even though these people were bartering with fucking KFC wet naps and travel size shampoos for clean drinking water they ALL had the coolest g*damn sunglasses!! The sunglasses were never lost nor broken throughout the entire movie. It was amazing.
To be clear, I was not opposed to the "message" I just didn't believe a word of it, the way it was presented. I thought the whole movie was slow and stupid. There was no nudity with all that violence. Hellllooooooo??!!
Save your money. Rent it and fall asleep half way through. When you have bad dreams don't blame me. I told ya so.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
It's really a shame my blog is not famous because I have so much to say. So few to listen. I honestly don't see that much difference in what I have to say and the bulk of all the other jackasses out there. Not that I am that profound or that funny, but who is?! Few. Not many.
I am going to add to my repertoire . . . movie reviews. If I make it to see a movie in the theatre I am often alone, which I LOVE. I remember thinking my mom was a total weirdo when she would go to the movies by herself. I get it now! I love it!! As a result, when I see a movie, I am totally engaged and my opinion is, at a minimum, insightful. On the other hand, if I watch a movie at home and make it through (in one sitting) it must be a winner and thus also deserves my review. Otherwise, I will give my half ass movie review, which is just as useful as it might save you an evening of mindless movie watching.
I'm thinking I should review movies in 5 words.
To wrap this dialouge up, I'm going to review the movie I saw today. Sherlock Holmes. In five words.
Robert Downey is Fucking Hot! Ok, let me try again. Awesome Actors, Engaging, Downey Amazing. Another 5 words. Thoughtful. Entertaining. Love. Robert. Downey.
Yes, I liked the movie.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Believe it or not, I was not stressed one single bit all darn day!! I was perhaps irritated a bit this morning as I was chopping and chopping and chopping and certain little people were bothering the fuck out of me asking to be fed, blah blah blah but, all in all, it was a wonderful, stress free day!
I think I can honestly say it was the least stressful party I've ever thrown which just goes to show it's all in your attitude. I know what you're thinking and it has nothing to do with alcohol or medication. I am simply a whiz at entertaining!! WA LAA is my middle name!! The sitters were a godsend. They were proactive, take charge, amazing girls. When they would ask me a question I would say "Hellloooo, I'm in charge of the food and you're in charge of the kids, remember??" and off they would go. There were three of them. One was generally in charge of boys, one for the girls and the third was a floater. I really, really hated to see them go.
I know, I know, what you really want to know is HOW DID THE HAM TURN OUT??!! In a word. FUCKINGFANTASTIC!! Here's how it went down. . .
Garlic & Herb Rub: 1 cup fresh sage from 1 large bunch, packed lightly, 1/2 cup fresh parsley, 8 medium cloves of garlic, 1 tbsp kosher salt or 1 1/2 tsp table salt, 1/2 tbsp ground black pepper, 1/4 cup olive oil, mixed in food processor until forms a smooth paste. That is the recipe for a 6-8 lb ham so I doubled it. It was plenty.
7:15 am: Rubbed and ready to go in the oven!
Based on calculations I read online you should bake a fresh ham for 22 min/pound which, for a 17lb ham, comes out to 6 hours. I didn't think it would take that long, but it did. Luckily, I put it in at 7:15 am so it worked out about right. TA DAAAA!
So, the "ham" really seemed like "pork" when it was all said and done. It wasn't pink like a traditional ham. It looked like "the other white meat". So, the question came up, "Is it a Ham or is it a Pork Roast?" All of the recipes I found were for "roasting a fresh ham." When I googled ham vs pork I found . . .
"Ham, technically is the thigh and rump of any animal that is slaughtered for meat, but the term is usually restricted to a cut of pork, the haunch of a pig or boar. Although it can be cooked and served fresh, most ham is cured in some fashion."
So, I think what I cooked was a 'fresh, uncured ham' although it could definitely just be called 'pork'. If someone were expecting 'ham' they quite possibly might have been disappointed. If they were simply open to fabulousness then they were happy. A few seemed genuinely confused.
The only thing lacking in this day was that I didn't get to share it in person with my few loyal readers!! I love you all!!!
This is the 17lb, skin on, fresh ham prior to cutting my beautiful, meditative diamond pattern.
This is after an hour of cutting with a serrated knife through the skin and fat, being careful not to cut into the meat. Does it look like it would be hard? Well, I hope so because it was a big fucking pain in the ass. I almost gave up half way through, chucked my $30 in the trash and called it a lesson learned. But, I didn't. I think I can, however, say with 100% certainty that I will never make a 17lb fresh ham again. If it's really good I might make a smaller one . . .
I put the ham in a brine of salt, brown sugar, garlic, bay leaves, and black peppercorns around 2pm yesterday and retrieved it at 6am this morning. It is now sitting for an hour at room temperature before I apply the Garlic and Herb Rub and then pop that motherfucker in the oven.