I Don't Want Your Suggestions

I beg of you. Don't give me any suggestions. No, do. No, don't. For me, it's a big deal to listen to what other people think but ultimately listen to myself. Part of me is saying that this is all a bunch of bullshit so it doesn't matter. But it does. It is definitely an exercise in self expression and esteem.

Mystery Solved

I know we've all said it . . . . what the hell could have happened to those f*#!ng socks?? Well, guess where we found these babies?

My dryer was taking about 3 times longer to dry clothes than it should so, on a hunch, I asked my dear husband to check out the vent thing that shoots all the dryer steam outside. Lo and behold, he stuck his hand in and pulled out SOCKS. They had been sucked out of the dryer into the vent thingy and it was all clogged up! Holy Crap!! Just imagine all those socks that have been sucked right out of the house and sent flying up to sock heaven. What happens to them? They could be picked up by a neighboring dog, a stray cat, a squirrel or some wandering, crazed housewife who has finally reached her limit with mismatched socks.

Personally, I have found some comfort in this. I am not crazy. There is a black hole and it's stealing my socks.

Yard Sale Update

I meant to take a picture of all my junk that was left over at the end of the weekend but instead I just packed it all up, left it for the VVA to pick up and hightailed it outta there . . . . to the new house. Ahhhhhh. Where everything's better.

We made about $150. That's a lot of work for $150 but I had to get the stuff out of the house anyway so it's much better than nothing. However, I still have a whole hell of a lot of stuff to clear out. Ugh!! It will be all over by Aug 29. I think I can. . . I think I can. . . I think I can. . .I think I can.

How To Grow Amidst The Bullshit

One of my challenges as a mother is to not take all of the shit my kids do personally. I ask nicely once . . . twice . . I go closer and cup their sweet little faces, resisting the urge to squeeze their cheeks together until their pretty eyes pop out . . and say it again. But when they continually stand there with their heads up their ass with no concept of time even though we do the same freaking routine EVERY morning . . my head starts to spin and these vile words come out of my mouth. THEN the little bastards are listening, aren't they?!

So much for not being sarcastic . . just wait, the personal growth part is coming: )

So, how do I use these frustrating situations for personal growth? I can't put my head in the pantry and meditate because we have to get to school, and SOON. Mr. Tolle doesn't have three kids and two dogs so how does he know? If all I had to do was go to the mountains and be one with nature things would seem much easier.

So, I'm supposed to be ONE WITH THE SITUATION. Don't resist it. Don't make it about me and my mothering skills. Focus on the moment as it is, not as a means to an end. If I'm busy trying to get to the next moment, thing or place then I'm not present. Believe it or not, it works! I have been very aware of when I am not present. Even if I don't feel like I can really be present in the moment, just being aware of that is remarkably enlightening.

I think children are so good at being Present that it is frustrating for the rest of us that are caught up in the dysfunction of what we call life. We perpetuate our dysfunction long enough until they are ready to join the insane, adult world.

Can I stop my own madness?

One With The Situation

I am reading Echkart Tolle's book A New Earth right now, Oprah's book club selection. I have had the book and read half of it prior to the book club selection and have picked it up again. In a very small nutshell, this book is about disidentifying from your ego, i.e., the content of life vs that which enables the content to be - the inner space of consciousness. I think this would make no sense if you haven't read the book. I really get what I'm reading and it is profound although I don't think I can begin to communicate it in a few sentences. The knowing that I feel when I read this book makes it hard to be sarcastic about my life. I have taken pleasure in the past from being sarcastic and perceiving myself as 'funny'. I think it is time to move on.

On the same note, I don't want to write with expectations of anything other than personal growth. Although, I think it would be hard to write knowing that others are reading without admitting that it must be feeding my ego in some respect. Perhaps if I chronicle my growth in an honest fashion then I will at least be able to admit the aspects of ego that are a part of this journey.

I hate the use of the word journey, by the way. I think it's WAY overused.

On a totally different note, I am watching the show "Moment of Truth" right now and I can't help but say the this woman and her husband are complete fucking idiots. It's painful to watch and yet I am still watching it. Will the money be a comfort to her after she's ruined the life she has created for herself??

The title of this post "one with the situation" was one of the points in the book that resonated me. Rather than resisting what happens, one should (not the correct word 'should') become one with the situation and focus on the NOW. I had a great example from this morning but I am too exhausted to relay it. I will write about it tomorrow.