Friday, December 12, 2008

Life is Short. Life is now.

A women that I knew through neighborhood parties, said hi to in the grocery store and, from the outside, lived a life very similar to mine, passed away last night. She was 39, had three children and a wonderful husband and although seemingly healthy, was diagnosed with leukemia less than 8 months ago.

I had heard about her diagnosis through the grapevine and ran into her in Target once after that. She looked fine to me. I expressed my concern and chatted for maybe a minute. Now she's dead. She's dead with three children at home that are the same age as mine and will grow up without a mother.

I did not follow her condition and heard this morning that she would not live through the weekend. I came home today and read all of the Caring Bridge posts over the last 7 months. I am now intimately aware of how horrific and yet hopeful the last 7 months of her life were. There was such an amazing outpouring of love and support from her family and friends. I feel guilty that I read it all after the fact and did nothing myself to help her or express my support. My heart and entire body aches for her and for her family.

Today I hugged my husband a little tighter and my children a little longer. I lay with my 2 year old at bedtime and she gave me sweet kisses in the dark. I have no idea if my life will be short or long. What I do know is all I have is NOW and I want to make the most of it. I want it to be on purpose. I think I will finally read the book that is referenced in the prior post. And, of course, make more pancakes.


Juleah said...

This is very sad. I could not even begin to imagine leaving behind my family. Especially the moments before, the thoughts that go through your head. This gives me such heartache. I think I will get off the computer and go enjoy some time with my hubby now. And look forward to some quality time with my babies tomorrow.

Natalie said...

very sad. i understand what you are feeling though. my friend died at age 33 of breast cancer and left behind her husband and 3 girls. it made me slow down and hug everyone a little tighter. sometimes life is just too short and we never know if it will be ours that is too short.

let's live with no regrets!

thanks for sharing

Connie said...

Every day we walk out the door with every intention of being right back. We leave things undone, unsaid, uncared for, believing that we'll take care of them when we get home. I know I let myself get too focused on what's next instead of what's now. Today, I promise to focus on now. This will be a sad Christmas for that family. I don't even know them, but I find my heart swelling.