Happy New Year - PM

My belly and my heart are full as is my sink of dirty dishes. Streamers, empty beer bottles, soda cans, juice boxes, cookie crumbs, chips, and good thoughts for the New Year are scattered every which way. Sam has quite a contusion above his left eye from an awesome slap shot by Henry. Shoulda worn a helmet. I'm in bed with my laptop.

Believe it or not, I was not stressed one single bit all darn day!! I was perhaps irritated a bit this morning as I was chopping and chopping and chopping and certain little people were bothering the fuck out of me asking to be fed, blah blah blah but, all in all, it was a wonderful, stress free day!

I think I can honestly say it was the least stressful party I've ever thrown which just goes to show it's all in your attitude. I know what you're thinking and it has nothing to do with alcohol or medication. I am simply a whiz at entertaining!! WA LAA is my middle name!! The sitters were a godsend. They were proactive, take charge, amazing girls. When they would ask me a question I would say "Hellloooo, I'm in charge of the food and you're in charge of the kids, remember??" and off they would go. There were three of them. One was generally in charge of boys, one for the girls and the third was a floater. I really, really hated to see them go.

I know, I know, what you really want to know is HOW DID THE HAM TURN OUT??!! In a word. FUCKINGFANTASTIC!! Here's how it went down. . .


Garlic & Herb Rub: 1 cup fresh sage from 1 large bunch, packed lightly, 1/2 cup fresh parsley, 8 medium cloves of garlic, 1 tbsp kosher salt or 1 1/2 tsp table salt, 1/2 tbsp ground black pepper, 1/4 cup olive oil, mixed in food processor until forms a smooth paste. That is the recipe for a 6-8 lb ham so I doubled it. It was plenty.

7:15 am: Rubbed and ready to go in the oven!

Based on calculations I read online you should bake a fresh ham for 22 min/pound which, for a 17lb ham, comes out to 6 hours. I didn't think it would take that long, but it did. Luckily, I put it in at 7:15 am so it worked out about right. TA DAAAA!

1:15 pm

It actually looked MUCH more impressive in person. A gorgeous ham, if I do say so myself.

5:15 pm : notice the bottom of the pan is completely cold pig fat. YUM.

So, the "ham" really seemed like "pork" when it was all said and done. It wasn't pink like a traditional ham. It looked like "the other white meat". So, the question came up, "Is it a Ham or is it a Pork Roast?" All of the recipes I found were for "roasting a fresh ham." When I googled ham vs pork I found . . .

"Ham, technically is the thigh and rump of any animal that is slaughtered for meat, but the term is usually restricted to a cut of pork, the haunch of a pig or boar. Although it can be cooked and served fresh, most ham is cured in some fashion."

So, I think what I cooked was a 'fresh, uncured ham' although it could definitely just be called 'pork'. If someone were expecting 'ham' they quite possibly might have been disappointed. If they were simply open to fabulousness then they were happy. A few seemed genuinely confused.

The only thing lacking in this day was that I didn't get to share it in person with my few loyal readers!! I love you all!!!

Happy New Year - AM

I went to bed at 10pm on New Year's Eve and woke up this morning at 6am so I could prepare THE HAM. And, yes, of course we are having black-eyed peas! Hoppin' John Stew. Ham stock base, Cajun seasoning, beans and rice. This is my favorite way to have black eyed peas except for the Texas Caviar mentioned by my Aunt Jennifer. I was going to make that too and forgot! Oh well.

This is the 17lb, skin on, fresh ham prior to cutting my beautiful, meditative diamond pattern.




This is after an hour of cutting with a serrated knife through the skin and fat, being careful not to cut into the meat. Does it look like it would be hard? Well, I hope so because it was a big fucking pain in the ass. I almost gave up half way through, chucked my $30 in the trash and called it a lesson learned. But, I didn't. I think I can, however, say with 100% certainty that I will never make a 17lb fresh ham again. If it's really good I might make a smaller one . . .



I put the ham in a brine of salt, brown sugar, garlic, bay leaves, and black peppercorns around 2pm yesterday and retrieved it at 6am this morning. It is now sitting for an hour at room temperature before I apply the Garlic and Herb Rub and then pop that motherfucker in the oven.

To be continued . . . .