Live From the Red Carpet

It's a good thing I wasn't invited to any Oscar parties turned down all those Oscar party invites. It affords me the opportunity to sit and watch, laptop at the ready, giving you my immediate reactions and observations. Otherwise, I would have been drinking and having fun and chatting. Now I'm just drinking. typing. drinking. typing. I've banished my children to the upper chambers and I'm enjoying a bottle glass of Jacobs Creek Reserve. Yes, that's right. Reserve. I usually drink the regular cheap cheap Jacobs Creek but tonight definitely calls for the Reserve.

If I don't publish my observations tonight then tomorrow they will seem (accurately so) completely irrelevant. So here goes.

Anne Hathaway is a true fashionista. I imagine I would be like her if I were 6 inches taller and an actress.

Mickey Rourke, 56, was still extremely disturbing. Although well spoken, he sported a Loki charm of his deceased 18 yr old chihuahua around his neck. My bad. I didn't realize he was gay.

You gotta love Sohpia Loren but it's time she stay home. She's not doing herself any favors.

Marisa Tomei, 43, is my idol. Nominated for best supporting actress for playing a stripper in The Wrestler, she is amazing. She didn't win the award but she won my heart.

Brad & Angie. Of course, I love them both but does she own any other style of dress?

Kate Winslet, The Reader, lovely as ever. I also imagine myself as her if I were a famous actress. She seems very 'real'.

Does anyone really like Beyonce's clothing line? I feel like it's a secret joke Hollywood is playing on us. One day we'll show up in those god awful outfits and everyone will scream "SUUUCKERRRR!"

Why is Jessica Beil at the Oscars. Did I miss something?

I love Robert Downey Jr. He looks amazing after all those yrs of hard living.

Josh Brolin and Diane Lane. It's like looking in a mirror. Me and Chad.

I thought Sarah Jessica left her troll of a husband. He's headed for Broadway. Heeellloooo. He's gay.

Taraji P Henson. supporting actress for Benjamin Button. Don't know who she is but she is so cute!

All of you Botox naysayers, did you notice how many of the stars have obviously had it?! Young, old and in between. So There! And I really don't want to hear anything about how I'm not a movie star so why am I comparing myself to them. Fuck you. That's what I say to that. I am a star in my own movie every g*damn day.

I thought Hugh Jackman was hot until he started dancing around like a fag. Disappointing.

WTF. I just noticed Mickey has a silver tooth. Every time he starts to redeem himself I'm struck by yet another fucked up thing about him. Disturbing. Who advises him?

Now I can't decide if I'd rather be Kate Winslet or Tina Fey.

When you watch these shows are you bored? Envious? Happy with exactly where you are in your life? Does it effect you a little, a lot, or not at all. I think I have been more apt to compare myself in my later years. When I was young it seemed like I still had a chance. But as everyone gets older it seems like something really unfair is going on. Nonetheless, I am comforted by the fact that I don't need/desire accolades from millions of people. I am quite happy with myself and my life.

The only thing I require is that my children do the "Hi Mom" thing when they are being interviewed after a game, play or recital.

I felt bad for Jen A up there. I can't imagine anything worse than standing before Brad and Angelina and their 50 kids. I think I would do the honorable thing and stab myself with my sword. Bravo to her for giving it an outstanding effort though.

Sank you, sank you, sank you belly much. Domo arigato. mista robato.

If you didn't get that then you weren't watching. But thanks for checking in. xo

My First Time Tagged

I have been tagged by NurseExec, one of my new favorite bloggers. She's honest and flawed, two of my favorite qualities. It's my first time to be tagged for anything and I'm so excited! Not to mention this is honest to God proof that someone besides my mother reads my blog.

Six Unspectacular Things About Me is the topic. I know what you're thinking. I am just so fucking spectacular that this could take me all night.

First you post the rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks you possess.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

Here's my list:

1. I can't stand it when people drink my water, mostly at home. My children could be dying of thirst and I growl "GET YOUR OWN WATER!" I always have a full glass on the kitchen counter so I can make sure I get my required ounces. Everyone in the house, big and small, will walk in the kitchen and, rather than get their own damn glass, drink mine!! How hard is it to open the cabinet and get your own glass and, imagine this, fill it up. Now they all know it pisses me off so they drink it on purpose. They're out to get me.
   
   


2. I have the most horrendous, stinky gas. All the time. I can't control it. It doesn't seem to matter what I eat. healthy or not. I think by the time I'm an old women I'm going to be exiled to some far away place. I am a cute girl. I take care of myself. Not that it should matter but I think it's my cuteness that has kept me from being exiled so far. It's just weird. It's really a problem. Any advice out there???
   
   


3. I compulsively pick at the skin on my fingers and toes. Also really gross and not compatible with my cuteness.
   
   


4. I can count on my two hands the number of periods I've had in the last 8 years. I've had three children and I have an IUD which has the side effect of no periods. It's completely healthy. It's awesome.
   
   


5. The only television I like to watch these days are reality shows. I do like Grey's Anatomy but my absolute favorites are America's Next Top Model, The Bachelor or Bachelorette, Rock of Love, Denise Richards- It's Complicated (which it's not btw), on and on and on. I have not been able to get in to Pamela Anderson's new show though. She should be exiled to a remote island where they send all the other big boobie sex addicts.
   
   


6. I love really gross things like puss and blood and things like that. As long as it's not stinky or too too yucky. I love to pop zits. Any time my kids get a scrape I can't wait to put peroxide on it and watch all the bubbles. I love to play doctor with my razor sharp tweezers when someone gets a splinter. One of my absolute favorites was when my son had a spider bite on his knee. Swollen. Painful. We put hot compresses on it frequently to draw the infection out. You could tell it was full of nasty stuff but every time I tried to squeeze it he would scream in pain. whatever. finally, when he was running and playing one evening it burst and exploded all over his leg. awesome.

Tag You're IT!!

1. Connie (my mom)
2. Motherhood for Dummies
3. Juleah (my sister-in-law)
4. Natalie
5. Nap Warden
6. Unfortunately, I don't have many followers so I can't think of anyone else to tag.

How to Look Good Naked

I love this freaking show!! It is crazy how Carson can change the perception of women's bodies in like 5 days. Carson is able to stroke any big 'ol thigh or big 'ol booty and all of a sudden women love themselves and are able to see their worth. They believe him, and well they should.

I won't go in to how many women's worth is tied up in their body image. That issue is just f*cked up and I don't have the time or inclinaton to go in to it. It is obvious when you watch the show. If you don't have this issue, you are in the minority.

As far as the show, I would really like to just do the part where they take you into a room, in your underwear, and have you pick your body double and then realize you're not as fat as you think you are. That is the always the biggest perception changer. Most of us apparently think we are bigger than we actually are and, at a minimum, don't realize how attractive we are at our own size.

In the back of my dysfuctional head I would always think they were just f*cking with me for ratings but I'm not on the show so it doesn't matter. I just have my 6 & 7 yr old boys to give me their honest opinions. They are brutal but honest. And I love them for it.

Tofurky Kielbasa

I was really trying to feel moved and inspired to write something profound and introspective today. In general, I feel conflicted and overwhelmed and self-destructive, aware of all of it but still not inspired to write about it. I guess if you are trying to feel inspired then you're probably not going to be really inspired.

I was moved by my mother's post today and the posts on 37 days but the one thing that I can't get out of my head is this . . . Tofurky Kielbasa. Even the raccoons don't want it.

I tried the above veggie sausage and after eating it twice just couldn't embrace it so I pitched it. Invariably, when I take the trash outside there are empty packages on the ground of things formerly in the trash that I couldn't believe any animal would want, starving or otherwise. Those little fuckers must be desperate I often mutter to myself.

Well, today I was taking out the trash and noticed the package of my remaining Tofurky Kielbasa sausages on the ground. dirty but ALL still there. Are you f*cking kidding me?! Even the raccoons won't eat it?? They'll eat rotten hamburger but not my Tofurky kielbasa? For the record, I really like typing and saying Tofurky.

That's it. No metaphor for life. Just Tofurky Kielbasa. Even the raccoons don't want it.

My Obituary

We are moving soon and I've started to pack. Man oh man, do we have a lot of shit. We have vowed to live simpler and clutter free in the new house. No piles of random stuff, just a few toys (hah!) and I will not stockpile food just in case gas prices go so high that food becomes scare and exorbitantly expensive. If you listen closely you can hear me chanting under my breath "everything will be better in the new house, everything will be better in the new house, everything will be better in the new house. . . ".

As I was packing my books I ran across an old journal from a course I took about 6 years ago based on the book "The Artist's Way" I don't usually save my journals because when I find them they're often quite depressing. I opened the journal to find an exercise that required me to write my own obituary. Here's what I wrote six years ago:

Sarah Brooks lived a full life. She was preceded in death by her husband, Chad. She is survived by sons, Sam & Henry, four grandchildren, best friend Jennifer and young lover. What a magnificent woman! A recording of her own piano jazz was played at the memorial. She was known by all as a most compassionate woman, helping to feed and clothe many around the city. She also brought music to many underprivileged children and adults. Her garden will be donated to the city. Sarah travelled the world and made a difference to children in many countries. She will be greatly missed but it is certain she is happy wherever she is.

Isn't that funny?! It almost sounds like I think I'm Angelina or something. I have not thought about my jazz piano career in years. It's especially funny considering I don't play piano or garden AT ALL. I wonder what I would write if I wrote it today? What would you write? It's something to think about.

One With The Situation

I am reading Echkart Tolle's book A New Earth right now, Oprah's book club selection. I have had the book and read half of it prior to the book club selection and have picked it up again. In a very small nutshell, this book is about disidentifying from your ego, i.e., the content of life vs that which enables the content to be - the inner space of consciousness. I think this would make no sense if you haven't read the book. I really get what I'm reading and it is profound although I don't think I can begin to communicate it in a few sentences. The knowing that I feel when I read this book makes it hard to be sarcastic about my life. I have taken pleasure in the past from being sarcastic and perceiving myself as 'funny'. I think it is time to move on.

On the same note, I don't want to write with expectations of anything other than personal growth. Although, I think it would be hard to write knowing that others are reading without admitting that it must be feeding my ego in some respect. Perhaps if I chronicle my growth in an honest fashion then I will at least be able to admit the aspects of ego that are a part of this journey.

I hate the use of the word journey, by the way. I think it's WAY overused.

On a totally different note, I am watching the show "Moment of Truth" right now and I can't help but say the this woman and her husband are complete fucking idiots. It's painful to watch and yet I am still watching it. Will the money be a comfort to her after she's ruined the life she has created for herself??

The title of this post "one with the situation" was one of the points in the book that resonated me. Rather than resisting what happens, one should (not the correct word 'should') become one with the situation and focus on the NOW. I had a great example from this morning but I am too exhausted to relay it. I will write about it tomorrow.